It can be overwhelming, not to mention depressing, to think of everything you don’t want along with trying to figure out how to climb out of the hole you may feel you are in. So, I recommend thinking of what you do want – specifically.
You might hear yourself or others repeatedly say, “I don’t want to be like this anymore,” “I hate this,” “This is not the way I want to live,” or “Why do I always……” But you make no changes in what you think, how you act, what you say, or how you feel. In other words, you keep doing the same thing – the same thing which leads to the same results!In order to make any changes you, must be open and willing – physically and emotionally. This is basic science. We have all heard of the rat maze experiments. The rat is placed in a maze with a piece of deliciously-smelling cheese at the end. After several attempts in which the rat’s access to the “correct” path is thwarted, it tries a different path, which ultimately proves very fruitful.
Now, to compare humans to rats: Here you have a perfectly intelligent woman who has great friends, a successful career, and almost nothing to complain about, except, she is on her third failed relationship. Chances are good that she is following the same path over and over. In this area of her life (and we all have these areas), she (and we) could learn from the rat. The rat is not scared, the woman is. The woman is not open to and trusting different options or different paths. The rat certainly is!
What is one thing you want to change? Open yourself to something different. You may not know exactly what it will feel like or look like, but that is where trust comes in. You must trust that if you give up your hold and give up your control, you will have the energy to take in something new. That is change. And, if what you have been holding onto has not been working for you, then there is a very good chance that the new will bring you to what you want. It will bring you to the cheese!
Open yourself, give up the hold, trust the process, and go for the big cheese!
If you or you together with your partner would like more one-on-one support or couples counseling, and you are interested in working with Rachael Stracka, LCSW, please visit the Services menu for more information.